Tuesday, January 26, 2010
you twist and turn within your self, and i cannot be there for you. the distance between us pains and stretches me. i reach beyond and across the miles which mark our distance. and still i see you. see you in my minds eye, because you are my constant. and i am yours.
i know not what life is like without your presence. i have never known it. to imagine it such seems impossible even now, oh my friend. my first friend, my family, my known Other. and i yours.
we have spent much time apart, us two. the world strikes us off in different directions. but never has the split seemed so acute.
i live so far away from you, my friend. and you, from me. i want to bring you here, show you my world - the damages, laughters and facets that light. i want to show you the way i see the city and the life that i live.
i still want you here. and maybe this time i will find a way to get you in. maybe you will look by my side. hands clasped.
these fractional pieces of knowledge bind us. the minute moments of a life, lives, lived separate and joined. the furry feeling that the acid of fizzed drink left on teeth, tongue after all-nighted movie indulgences. that we shared. the crisp fear of discovery when we, short-skirted and juvenile giggled our way to dance all night. the sobs at love, life lost. or hopes breathed into tilted ear. and how we could always pick up a train of thought from nowhere apparent. i loved that beyond all. because you always just knew. and i knew yours.
i fix upon the you i know. the you i love. and do not know where she went. you always larger than life. you always deeper than surface. as you. within you. and without - for you could be nothing else.and i want to show you this. to hold your inner self that even you rarely see up to the light. to let her shine. and glow in prismatic refractions of wonder. i know where she is. but not how to reach her.