Thursday, January 29, 2009

compulsion

com·pul·sion

Pronunciation:
\kəm-ˈpəl-shən\
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French or Late Latin; Anglo-French, from Late Latin compulsion-, compulsio, from Latin compellere to compel, 15th century

1
a: an act of compelling : the state of being compelled
b: a force that compels
2:
an irresistible persistent impulse to perform an act (as excessive hand washing); also: the act itself



Sometimes, like a scab, when you know something is bad for you, you pick at it. Sometimes, it's not so much that it's bad for you, as that the picking itself creates the damage. Sometimes, I want to look over to you, when I know I ought to let alone. Sometimes, I see the rise of your body, and its fall and I know how fatal you might be and I breathe tentatively, thinking it might hold this one more second. I wait till a moment I could call you and then stare at the phone. I know I shouldn't. It would be bad for the both of us. I think about it instead, incessantly. Compulsion.